Teach Us To Hope
In the car, I dim the music and I pray about promises.
Yesterday's message was on welcoming God, on learning to trust His promises. I seek to answer the question, "Is there a promise from God that I need to trust?"
These last few months have held a flurry of promises:
"I will restore your joy."
"I will comfort you."
"You will grow."
I'm praying off-the-cuff, spouting words to my steering wheel, to the silver Chevy Malibu who sneaks into my lane.
I ask God to teach us to hope.
TEACH us to hope? They're my words I've spoken, but still I'm surprised.
It's a prayer I don't think I've uttered before, or a least not often.
I've prayed those lines before. God is the one with the hope; we are passive recipients.
Those requests spill from my lips, almost of their own volition. But never teach us to HOPE.
I've never viewed hope as a discipline to be learned.
All this while, all this year, I've been caught between expectation and entitlement, wondering which promises to cling to, discerning if anything has been promised at all. I've been finagling my way to some kind of spiritually mature sense of hope for the future and trust in His promises.
I never thought to ask Him how. To ask Him to teach me.
I've sensed Him telling me to choose joy and to choose to trust, whether or not I feel hopeful.
As I dodge brake lights, exit the freeway, I sense the missing piece, the forgotten discipline, the unanswered command:
"Learn hope," He whispers. "Let me teach you."
Yes, Father, I want to learn.
What to Expect When You're Expecting
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| My "Bucket Bucket" |
--Expecting to leave a job, that is.
As of today, Friday May 4th, I have 40 days left at my job. Yes, I've started a countdown, but not in a I-can't-wait-to-get-out-of-here kind of way. Like Ann Voskamp's counting of gifts, I want to count my remaining days as an exercise in giving thanks. In choosing, deciding to see the gifts that await me. To open my palms to receive the graces. To open my eyes to capture joy.
As I anticipate my last 40 days at Plant With Purpose, I am expecting joy.
I was wary to blog about this because I've blocked enough wedding countdown updates on my own Facebook newsfeed to know that most people don't really want to read about my incremental journey toward freelancing bliss. However, I have a hunch that most people who read this blog would be interested to hear how choosing to see these days as opportunities for adventures instead of the final hours to trudge through is altering my attitude, multiplying my joy, and allowing me to be present in the midst of transition. Allowing me to see God where I am, enabling me to see God in where I've been, and preparing me to see God where I am going.
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| No, we didn't actually bring a keg back to the office. |
To do this I've created a work Bucket List--a compilation of challenges and adventures I want to complete by my final day. My coworkers and I have jotted down suggestions on neon sticky notes and placed them in my newly coined "Bucket bucket" that sits on my desk. At the end of every workday, I will pull out a challenge for the following day.
Thus far I've completed two challenges. On Wednesday, two of my coworkers and I trekked to the Karl Strauss brewery across the railroad tracks from our office--a lunchtime adventure we've been talking about for some months, but had never fulfilled. It turns out the brewery doesn't have a tasting room, but we had a delightful dilly-dally nonetheless. We stretched our legs, traversed the wildflowers, and got to know our office neighborhood a little better. We ended up back at our business park deli to enjoy Coke Zeros, baklava, and a chummy time with our Executive Director.
Yesterday my challenge was to go a day without making any cynical comments.
It was a quiet day.
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| Drinking Coke Zero instead of a Karl Stauss-- better for our waistlines and our productivity. |
Today's challenge is to brainstorm the content for our quarterly newsletter. Now this may not sound like fun to most, but I absolutely LOVE coming up with creative content, and it's my last chance to impose my tree-mendous puns on our newsletter readers while I'm still the official Editor-In-Chief. Let the punning begin!
For the next 40 days I'll be sharing a bit about my bucket list at the end of each blog post--this way, if you so choose, you can ignore it and stick to the regularly scheduled bloggy ramblings.
I expect the next 40 days will fly by entirely too fast, will be filled with both sadness at leaving and impatience at staying, yet most of all, I am choosing to expect joy.
T.S. Wednesday: The Meaning of Life
Point to one end, which is always present.” T.S. Eliot, Burnt Norton, Four Quartets
Remaining a perpetual possibility
Only in a world of speculation.
What might have been and what has been
Point to one end, which is always present.
Footfalls echo in the memory
Down the passage which we did not take
Towards the door we never opened
Into the rose-garden. My words echo
Thus, in your mind.”