Who Cares?

“God does not demand that we give up our personal dignity, that we throw in our lot with random people, that we lose ourselves and turn from all that is not him. God needs nothing, asks nothing, demands nothing, like the stars. It is a life with God which demands these things.” 

--Annie Dillard, Teaching a Stone to Talk (introduced to me by my wonderful friend and mentor, Kay)

It’s easier not to care. It’s easier to stay hidden, disengaged.

I don’t have to care.

I don’t have to confess.

I don’t have to be a woman of character.

I don’t have to humble myself and turn from all that is not Him.

But if I want a life with Him, I do.

First, I must lose myself. My pride. My ego. My reputation. My dignity.

First, I must admit: I am broken.

I have tried on my own. I have slipped in and out of God-consciousness. I have clutched my desires tight between my fingers, deifying them.

One year for Christmas, my best friend and I took our mothers ice skating. My friend’s mom, a sweet Korean woman who had never before set a skate-clad foot on the slippery ice death trap, was terrified. She clung to the hip height railing on the periphery and scooted her way around inch by inch. She never made it to the center swirl of more experienced skaters. She never felt the sweep of cold ice glide past her. She never hit her stride.

With the same illusory sense of control, I cling to my own desires, my own will, scooting around inch by inch all the while wondering why I haven’t yet hit my stride. 

And in my scuttling and scooting, clinging and clutching, I mess up. I stay self-focused. I act out of fear and convenience and greed. 

I turn from Him a hundred times a day, in my thoughts, my attitude, my actions.

Like Annie Dillard wrote, God doesn’t demand that I turn back to Him, that I confess my sin—or even acknowledge it for that matter. Like the stars, He will shine on whether I acknowledge Him or not.

The question I must ask myself is, what do I want more?

Do I want a life with God? Or would I rather be the queen of my own universe? Float by? Pass through? Scoot along?

Deep down I know I want a life with Him. I want His power and grace and spirit. His purpose and His presence.

If it is life with Him that I crave, I must humble myself, lose myself. Destroy my internal façade of goodness. Shatter my independence. Peel my fingers off the side rail of the skating rink and release my own desires, trusting that His ways are better.

A life with Him demands these things. A life with Him is what I want. 

***

Do you think God demands that we turn to Him or not? Do you think God demands anything? What life do you want? What do you cling to instead of Him?

T.S. Tuesday: You've Cat To Be Kitten Me Right Meow

On Sunday night I came across this internet meme and my new favorite cat pun. Which is ironic because yesterday at the library whilst browsing the 821.912 section, which for those of you who don’t know, is the glorious Dewey decimal ranking devoted to the poetry of T.S. Eliot, I discovered something earth shattering, for me at least.

I discovered that T.S. Eliot had a not-so-secret affinity for cats, well, writing about them at least. I found a marvelous collection of zany cat poetry titled, “Old Possum’s Book of Practical Cats.”

According to the shameless book flap, “These playful verses by a celebrated poet have delighted readers and cat lovers around the world.”

He originally wrote the poems in a series of letters to his godchildren. Later the poems were compiled into book form and shared with the public. Many of his memorable cat characters were later adapted for Andrew Lloyd Weber’s musical, Cats. 

As a single female writer/blogger I am hesitant to admit this, but if T.S.-freaking-Eliot can boldly proclaim his love of cats, then so can I. I love cats.

So you can imagine my cat-ostophic delight at this discovery. I’ve just read a few of the poems thus far, but I must agree with Time’s assessment (circa 1993, again the book flap unabashedly proclaims) that there is “Enough ferocious fancy and parody to knock the spots off most cat books.”

Now I don’t read many cat books (please stifle your surprise), but Eliot’s collection of cat poetry may quite plawsibly be the best.

Alright, alright, any more puns from me would be a feline-y, so I will defer to the master himself.

Here’s my favorite of Eliot’s cat poems, The Ad-dressing of Cats, being performed by talented mew-sicians in the musical, Cats. Enjoy!

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3lcnCd_Gyfc]

And because we’re talking about cats, I just have to share my absolute favorite cat video on the interwebs. I warn you now, you might pee your pants.

For those with a lower tolerance for parody, but still enjoy a bit of punnery, check out the Princeton Tiger’s compilation of 56 Movie Titles Made into Cat Puns.

Whelp, cat’s all, folks! 

Why I’m Trying to be a People Pleaser

"It is the true duty of every man to promote the happiness of his fellow creatures to the utmost of his power." - William Wilberforce

People pleasing has a bad rap. I blame it on the extraverts, which isn’t surprising because I blame most things on the extraverts (I kid, I kid). 

I mean, they’re the ones running around agreeing to be on a million and one committees and padding their schedules with social events and favors and functions until they’re fit to burn out, right?

But in all seriousness, there has been a rich backlash against people pleasing that I find troubling.

I’ve read several wise blog posts and books and articles encouraging people of all nurturing and charismatic stripes to step back, to set boundaries, and to put themselves first for once.

I understand the sentiment. I realize this isn't an extravert specific problem. I agree that we should not base our worth or our value on other’s opinions. I get that we need boundaries.

I understand all of this, but goodness gracious I do not need that kind of advice.

I need the rejoinder: I need encouragement to actually care about what people think.

You see, on the Myers Briggs personality spectrum, I am an INTJ. By definition,

INTJs don’t give much thought to what other people think.

"INTJs spend a lot of time inside their own minds, and may have little interest in the other people's thoughts or feelings." Portrait of an INTJ

They are “strong individualists who seek new angles or novel ways of looking at things….They are very determined people who trust their vision of the possibilities, regardless of what others think. They may even be considered the most independent of all of the sixteen personality types.” —Sandra Krebs Hirsch

In a pool of autonomous, individualistic Americans, I am among the most independent, the most internally focused. I don't struggle with people pleasing the way my empathetic, nurturing friends do. I have no problem saying no to a task that doesn't fit inside my own mental framework.

I do have a problem noticing others. I have trouble encouraging others. I’d rather theorize in my head all day than ask a friend what's going on in theirs.

My problem isn’t co-dependence, but independence—a stubborn independence that often borders on isolation.

Now this isn’t a self-bashing session. I think being an INTJ is awesome. If anything, I probably think I’m too awesome. There are perks to being an INTJ. For example, we’re nicknamed the Mastermind, and we’re a rare find, accounting for only 1-4% of the population.

There are a lot of things I’m good at. For one, I’ve learned to "think my way to compassion", to come up with creative solutions to complicated problems. It could even be argued that I’m good at loving and caring for people in unique, thoughtful ways—and the world could use a greater dose of thoughtful compassion, in my opinion.

But when it comes to people pleasing, most of the time the only person I care about pleasing is myself.

And that, I believe, is completely at odds with the Christ I follow, the God I love.

He who washed feet and healed the sick and forgave the sinners, He was deeply concerned with people’s needs, deeply attuned to the thoughts and hearts of others.

In order to please people, you must have some working knowledge of what they want, of what would make them happy, of what they’re thinking and feeling.

This is the type of people pleasing I want to develop. I want to grow in empathy. I want to see beyond myself. I want to care for others. I want to love others well.

As William Wilberforce said, I want to “promote the happiness of [my] fellow creatures to the utmost of [my] power.”

That is why I am trying to be a people pleaser.

***

Let’s start with you—how can I better serve you on this blog? Is there anything I can pray for for you? Any other way I can support you?

Where do you fall on the people pleasing spectrum? Do you struggle with co-dependence or independence? Any advice?

And if you know me outside of the blogosphere, please hold me to this. I want to know you more. I want to know your thoughts and feelings.  Let me know if there’s any way I can serve you or love you better this week.